Self-Growth

^{oAnalytical: *You do not automatically accept an idea or belief without examining it carefully and questioning it oAttentive: *To see ideas in perspective; to realize that you may be wrong about things…to be willing to change your mind as life and reality unfolds oUsing independent judgment: *Base your beliefs on evidence; ask yourself, “what evidence do I have to believe this about myself?”}

^{o Secure attachment o Anxious/Ambivalent attachment o Avoidant attachment}

^{infant feels secure that caregiver will provide what is needed at the time it is needed, predictable. (ie. being fed when hungry, changed when wet, “mirroring” with caregiver’s face)}

^{infant gets needs met in an unpredictable way…sometimes is fed when the need is to be comforted, sometimes is changed when the need is to be fed…sometimes nothing is done to offer nurturing or care.}

^{infant senses the caregiver’s detachment or rejection and detaches as a defense mechanism}

The world is a relatively safe place, people can be trusted. They do not worry about abandonment or having someone get too close to them. They feel generally that other people like them. They find greater satisfaction and commitment in their relationships. An overall sense of well-being.

The world is an unpredictable place…others do not get as close as they desire and when they do, this person either becomes consumed or pushes them away to protect from the hurt and disappointment that they feel is coming…they worry that their partners do not love them or that they will leave them…jealousy is predominant. They can fall in love easily but often end after a short while because of emotional highs and lows. Difficulty establishing long-term trust in others.

The world is a scary place; there is a discomfort in being close to others; no one can be trusted. Their partners want more closeness than they do. Fear of intimacy and fearful of becoming dependent on another human being, lonliness.

We carry our family members/caretakers and our relationship with them, inside of ourselves…we also carry the relationships that we had with transitional objects inside as well, when humans were not available for comfort or soothing…If there are unresolved conflicts, wounds with these “objects” that are not in our awareness, we can begin to “act out” these unresolved conflicts with those that we are in relationship with in our adult lives…the more hurtful the original wound, the more likely it is that we will “act out” towards this person that reminds us of the original “object”

A drama, that continues to get played out over the course of our life with different people that remind us of our early relationships…this pattern is damaging…we need to “step back”

“transference” we “transfer” the conflict to those in our current life that remind us of the unresolved conflicts with our original “objects”

O Practical, common sense, self-empowering o Beck believes in the power of humans to “heal themselves” by becoming aware of negative cognitions that are detrimental to one’s well-being o Aim is to modify and regulate the negative effects of certain cognitive processes on a person’s emotional well-being (similar to our exercise today) o Introduced concept of negative “self-talk” and “automatic thoughts” that are usually distortions and get in our way of self-growth and beneficial change o Change your thinking and your life can change

O Carl Rogers assumes that people define themselves through observing/evaluating their own experiences o An individual’s reality can only be known by the person themselves o The self is an unstable, changing entity, a process o Introduced concept of “the ideal self”, a model that one strives towards o Ideal & actual self need to be somewhat consistent; if the disparity appears unattainable, may inhibit one’s capacity to grow (you have an introduction to this concept) o Introduced concept of “self-actualizing tendency”, that people have an inherent drive to be the most competent and capable as we can be

O Primary concern is finding your own personal understanding of “Truth” o Meditation & spiritual practice are the tools o The Four Noble Truths:

1. The existence of dissatisfaction; it is inescapable: recognize it, discover what brought it about, and prescribe a course of action to transform it into peace, joy, liberation
2. Craving/desire as the root of dissatisfaction; humans crave pleasure and thus are never satisfied; we always wish for things to be other than what they are
3. Elimination of craving: do not be controlled by your desires; accept the world as it is without experiencing dissatisfaction…act in the present and enjoy the precious gifts we have
4. The Eightfold Path: the way to eliminate craving and dissatisfaction, the “Middle Way” of moderation. Based on ethical conduct: right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, right concentration, right thought, and right understanding.

o Ethical conduct based on the fundamental Buddhist teachings of universal love and compassion for all living beings

O Precontemplation o Contemplation o Determination Stage o Action o Maintenance Stage o Relapsing into the old behaviors