Define the Following Terms of Emotional Intelligence Flashcards

Belonging: A basic need to be part of something bigger than ourselves. A primal need that can put us at risk of compromising our authenticity by changing ourselves to fit in, to fulfill our desire to be approved of. Self-acceptance is key to belonging.

Empathy: Hearing the perspective of another and communicating our understanding of their emotional experience. We can only respond empathically if we are willing to be present with another person when they are experiencing pain or discomfort. Empathy is the antidote to shame and the heart of connection.This includes:1. Staying out of judgment (listening, not reacting)2. Perspective taking3. Emotional maturity, understanding the emotion you are hearing and feeling.4. Mindfulness, feeling and moving through emotion not pushing away emotion because it’s uncomfortable.

Desire: Wanting, wishing, longing for something to happen.

Compassion: concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others as well as a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.

Love: Allowing our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known. Grows from offering trust, respect, kindness, and affection. Love is not transactional, something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them—we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection are damaging to our ability to foster a loving relationship. Love survives when these injuries are acknowledged, healed, and infrequent.

Shame: The intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed. Self-focused versus behavior focused (I am bad versus my behavior is bad). Shame does not lead to positive behavior change because the behavior is part of our identity.

Blame: Assigning fault or responsibility to someone else. Used to discharge discomfort or pain; related to anger. Accepting our own accountability is key absolving blame.

Curious(ity): An antidote to defensive behavior. The desire and willingness to learn.

Disappointment: Unmet expectations. The more significant the expectation, the more significant the disappointment. Our happiness can loosely be defined as the distance between reality and what we expected.

Gratitude: A practice of expressing thankfulness and appreciation. Practicing gratitude is bound to the belief of human interconnectedness and a power greater than us. Without gratitude, there is no joy.

Grief: Deep sorrow. Three fundamental elements of grief are loss, longing, and feeling lost.

Guilt: Behavior-focused rather than self-focused (I did something bad versus I am bad). A behavior focus pushes us to correct while a self-focus induces inaction and shame. Feeling of self-conscious discomfort in response to our own actions, thoughts, or circumstances. Guilt has the potential to motivate us toward positive change.

Hope: Expectation and desire for a certain outcome.

Passion: Strong and barely controllable emotion.

Regret: To feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over something that one has done or failed to do. Serves as an emotional reminder that change and growth are necessary.